Love……the most basic and raw of emotions. From the moment we are born, love is what we seek to make us feel safe and secure in this World. We seek approval from our parents and others erroneously believing that if we please others we will be loved. We romanticize love! Poets, authors, artists paint a picture of love and its many joys and tragedies. Romeo and Juliet, Antony and Cleopatra….. lovers who would even die for love! But what is this emotion that we are all so obsessed with? Why do we complicate love so?
There have been so many studies on “love.” It has been defined in so many ways by poets, philosophers, ministers, psychologists, and even sex therapists! It is said that love is gentle, patient, blissful, divine, dramatic. Some even believe that love is pain and suffering. They turn their backs on love out of fear of becoming too vulnerable, out of control of their own destiny. What, then, attracts us to love and to people when we meet them?
Researchers say that what attracts us and keeps us in relationships are the endorphins that are released from the brain when we have some sort of contact with a person, especially when having sex or any type of physical contact such as kissing or holding hands or touching someone’s cheek. We have a sense of well-being, peacefulness. We feel less anxious. Oxytocin, also released during sex, is what has been shown to bond relationships, that which is associated with maintaining relationships. It creates emotional bonds, which is why they say the more sex you have the greater the bond. When couples begin to slow down their sex lives, you begin to see issues arise in their ability to maintain a peaceful relationship. Well….this may explain love from a chemical/ physical aspect, but then why is it that there are times you meet a person and instantly feel that this person is going to have some meaning in your life, play some major role without even exchanging so much as a word? You feel a “soul” connection, deep and profound.
Love is also an exchange of energy. It can be karmic. From an astrological point of view, there are electromagnetic energies, vibrational frequencies that resonate between two people. In some cases, this is for the better good, to find a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. In others, it may be for our growth, our lesson to be learned. The relationship may be challenged, difficult but serves to allow for evolvement of the Soul. Understanding the energies in a composite/synastry chart done between two lovers allows us to develop an understanding of the relationship, what makes it harmonious, what makes it challenging. Through this understanding, we can learn that we are not broken; it’s just a different language that we can learn about one another resulting in a better flow of energy. We learn about ourselves through our relationships, and there is no relationship on Earth that does not serve a purpose.
They say opposites attract. This is true. You can have a Sun/Moon opposition, or Sun/Sun opposition (among other aspects) and feel that you are magnetically drawn to this person and are unable to pull yourself away from them no matter WHAT transpires. But if you take a few steps back and deeply meditate/contemplate on yourself, your self-cherishing patterns, the person, and the events, you are able to see the source of the conflict and the meaning it has in your life, what it is you are to understand about yourself therefore benefiting from the relationship. Opposites are mutually beneficial. You learn from one another. You help one another to discover things about yourself. What one has, the other lacks and vice versa. This blending of energies is needed for our own individual evolvement.
This does not mean we do not leave toxic relationships or ones that have served their purpose. We do! We move forward. But there is always baggage that we carry with us into our next relationship. We ask ourselves how can we possibly get past that. Love then becomes complicated. We begin to color it with the hues of our insecurities, our disappointments, our broken hearts. We become fearful and build a big wall of “stand back” energy to protect ourselves. It becomes difficult to trust, to allow love to re-enter our lives, or when it does, we allow our experiences to affect our new love. When we lose trust, we lose ourselves. How can something so wonderful and the creative force behind our births be recaptured?
Dr. Gary Chapman writes in his book “The 5 Love Languages” that the strengthening and maintaining of our love relationships is all in understanding ours and our partner’s love language, how it is that we give and receive love. We all give/receive love in our own unique way, and I have found it very much coincides with the Zodiac signs!
I took Dr. Chapman’s Love Language quiz. I am a Gemini, ruled by the planet Mercury which is all about communications, the intellect, rationalizing what is behind a person’s intentions and actions. According to Dr. Chapman’s interpretation of the quiz, my primary love language is that of Words of Affirmation, meaning that it’s important for me to communicate love verbally or through the written word, hearing the reasons behind my partner’s love for me. It is feeling love through kind and encouraging words of support and praise. It is also the way I give love. Insults to a person whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation can be Earth-shattering! And this perfectly fits the Mercurial nature of Gemini.
My secondary language was that of Acts of Service. Again, this falls under the auspices of Mercury (which is also the ruler of Virgo, the energy of duty and service) in that I see and appreciate the intention behind a person’s acts. For me giving and receiving love is shown in helping my partner in acts of service, but it is also wanting my partner to help me. Laziness can make me feel that my partner does not validate my feelings.
Third was Receiving Gifts. Well……my Venus is in Taurus! Venus rules both Taurus and Libra. Venus is about aesthetic beauty, love, romance, the arts, the pleasures of life, and Taurus is about our material possessions. It is not about being materialistic, but about seeing the thoughtfulness behind the gesture. The effort made is seen as an act of love.
I know a Libran who also took the test. Interestingly enough, her primary love language is that of Quality Time, having a partner’s full undivided attention. Understandable since Libra is all about relating to others and the World around them. Her secondary was that of Acts of Service. Venus, the planet of love and romance and pleasure is in Virgo, the energy of service and duty.
And so we can see that if we try to understand how our partner gives and receives love, we can eliminate so many conflicts. We can begin to not have such high expectations of how we believe our partner should be responding to us, and we will in turn be less prone to experience disappointment and hurt. Mutual acceptance and respect for our individual natures can be developed and we may actually find it to be very fun and rewarding! Our understanding of love deepens. We begin to uncomplicate love.
The first step is having self-love. Relationships are mirror images of what is contained within us. If we feel fearful, insecure about love, this is what we will attract. Relationships that breed those same emotions that we fear. If we are afraid to be vulnerable and authentic, we will attract a relationship that brings us suffering, feelings of invalidation due to our own inability to be open in our heart and in our communications. Learning about ourselves and our language of love and that of our partners indeed allows us to have more fulfilling and authentic relationships.
I found it so interesting in researching Dr. Chapman’s theories how it very much coincided with Astrology. It only proves to validate how the energetic forces of the planets and stars affect us. We respond to this pulsating rhythm of our solar system in everything we think and feel. We are, after all, energetic beings ourselves made of the same chemicals and compounds and gases that are in the Universe.
If you would like to have a synastry/composite chart done, you can e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all and enjoy the video!